I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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