she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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