she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
