My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
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I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
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pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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