you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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