Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
