worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
