I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
What a dumb baby whore.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
