You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
