dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
