can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
