Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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