I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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