So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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