When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I didn't notice because vodka
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
