I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
