the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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