ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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