omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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