New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
