Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
