Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
This house was built for laser tag.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
