The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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