It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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