All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
