Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
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Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
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Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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