i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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