she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
