do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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