Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
