Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
