Kiss
Puke
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize