so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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