I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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