I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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