can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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