i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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