and you said cock pushups were impossible
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
