I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
