Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
How naked do you want me to be?
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