If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
