So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
