Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
