You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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