I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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