Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
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