don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
