so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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