the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I look better un-naked...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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