Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
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I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
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Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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