i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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