I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
