Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
