there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
