"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
